Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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