LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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