How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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