this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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