That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
