I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
