lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
