Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
