"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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