my phone needs a breathalizer
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
They took my balls.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
