There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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