She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
