Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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