can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
