i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
