I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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