I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
