OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
