I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
