Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
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i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
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If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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