that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
