I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
