the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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