oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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