In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
