I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
