I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
