You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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