I didn't shave. On purpose
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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