why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
