You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you guys were way drunker than both of me
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
