If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
