My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We were destined to go to rehab together
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Randomize
