I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
