wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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