While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
