I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
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