At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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