Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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