I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you inspire me to be a worse person
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
