I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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