Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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