Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
