i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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