were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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