sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
