I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
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OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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