well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
