Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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