Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
