You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
