You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize