Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
