so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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