Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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