i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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