You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
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Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
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orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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