Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
ugly people sure do ruin things
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
