Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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