the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
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He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
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Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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