I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
