i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
