You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
