Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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