I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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