i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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