just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
